Now a ‘Rescue Mission’ for Lost Souls
Exclusive interview with American Daze Purple Haze
ADPH: Thanks for granting this interview, Silver Surfer.
SS: My pleasure.
ADPH: Was there one overwhelming reason why you gave up your search for God?
SS: Yes. He’s nowhere to be found.
ADPH: How can you be so sure?
SS: Well, I scoured every corner of more than a trillion galaxies at ultra light speed and came up empty.
ADPH: More than a trillion! But I was under the impression there are only two hundred billion galaxies in the Universe.
SS: That’s how many are known to human astronomers — I found many, many more in my travels.
ADPH: Of course. So now what?
SS: Now the so-called search mission has become a rescue mission for all the lost souls formerly believed to be in quote Heaven unquote.
ADPH: Your assumption then is that if there is no God, there can be no Heaven?
SS: Of course. It’s the only logical conclusion.
ADPH: You wouldn’t agree then with the guest we had on last week?
SS: Who was your guest last week?
ADPH: The Jackdaw of Unreason.
SS: I think you’ve just answered your own question.
ADPH: Do you have a problem announcing this on Easter Sunday?
SS: What are they going to do — shoot the messenger?
ADPH: That’d sure be a waste of ammo — and bullets are an essential commodity here in America. Guns, ammo and liquor.
SS: Speaking of liquor, do you have anything to drink in your modest bungalow?
ADPH: A liquor cabinet full. What’s your preference? You look like a bourbon man to me.
SS: Jack and I go way back.
ADPH: Excellent. Man, it’s great to have someone to drink with. I’ve been pretty much alone here since my wife died sixteen months ago.
SS: I know the feeling — when I lost the love of my life.
ADPH: I read about that. I’m sorry. [They sip their bourbons for a while, each lost in his own thoughts. Then:] Hey, Silver Surfer, I know what you said about no God and no Heaven, but do you think it’s possible that my wife’s indestructible atoms could have reassembled in some unknown form in another galaxy?
SS: Not only is it possible, my friend, it is very likely.
ADPH: You don’t know what that means to me, Silver Surfer. Life without her has been unbearable. Every day, every night, suicidally so. So what you say gives me hope. Question is, which galaxy, right?
SS: Well, I can help you with that — Say, do you have anything to smoke with this fine bourbon?
ADPH: How about some Purple Haze?
SS: I smoke it all the time.
ADPH: I bet you do, Silver Surfer, I bet you do.